Thursday, February 28, 2008

There Are Days and Then There Are Days . . .

Is it diurnal or nocturnal?
It is nocturnal. You can see it creeping under the light of the full moon, seeking enemies to vanquish and friends to drain.

What illness does it call to mind?
Sarcidosis of the ankles and spleen.

In what city does it live?
Sedgwick, Kansas. Its home is a split-level three bedroom ranch house with a tidy front yard and a back plot that has been overrun by weeds. A sagging hammock hangs from a rusting swing stand. The picket fence is in dire need of new paint. The windows have gone cloudy from age.

Is it happy or unhappy?
It suffers terribly from melancholy. It can be heard endlessly questioning its purpose for being, its desire to continue, and murmuring restlessly about a wish to go home, wherever that may be.

What might its profession be?
It works a straight 9 to 5 clerical job, and volunteers in the morgue on weekends.

Is it capable of metamorphosis?
Yes, but it will only do so after having drunk too much at a party. It's too shy to resort to peeling off its clothing.

How does it get around?
On a rocket-powered Segway.

With what historical figure can it be associated?
Elvis Presley.

How would you kill it?
Offer it a cup of strong coffee. It will proceed to drink coffee until its stomach ruptures. Coffee is its one fatal weakness.

What scent goes with it?
New-mown grass and lemons; cherries and gasoline; pencil shavings and artificial grape flavor, such as grape bubble gum.

Is it favourable to love?
It finds love abhorrent. "Love is weakness" is tattooed on its heart.

What is its favourite song?
King of the Bongo, by Los Tequila Sharks. It hums this all the time, even when it sleeps.

Thanks to The Book of Surrealist Games for keeping me from having to take a quiz and post the results on a day where there's nothing to talk about.

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